The Other Fish in the Sea (Grab Your Pole, #2) Read online

  Contents

  Title Page

  License Notes

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Acknowledgments

  Read This First!

  Prologue

  1. Kool-Aid & Honey

  2. How To Bury A Hooker

  3. Sister Sledge Goes To The Desert

  4. What Makes A Guy Perfect

  5. Enigmas, Omnipotence, And, The Reaper

  6. Wild Kingdom & "Lonely Pete"

  7. A Veritable Rainbow Of Color & A Submarine

  8. Pirate Punch + Kevlar = The Designated Hitter & Sympathy From The Devil

  9. Petty Theft & Something Twisted

  10. Things Heat Up In Hell’s Kitchen

  11. No Strings Attached

  12. Advanced Planning & A Secret Santa

  13. A Glimpse Into Darkness

  14. GPS Points To Cougar Town And A Family Tree From The Deep South

  15. Second Chances, First Times, & Acid Washed Jeans

  16. A Baby’s Story

  17. Foreboding Entertainment & A Formal Pet Peeve

  18. His Wait Is Finally At An End

  19. Champagne Kisses & Tattoo Dreams

  20. Miraculous Secrets Revealed

  21. Aw Crap.

  22. Big Emotions & A Heart To Heart With Daddy

  23. Consulting An Oracle

  24. Bad Sex, Dragons & Other Legendary Myths

  25. It Seemed Like Such A Good Idea At The Time

  26. The Perfect Storm

  27. Bella Is An Idiot

  28. And I’ll Do Anything For My Sweet Sixteen

  Epilogue ~Jillian~

  Epilogue, Take Two ~Jeff~

  COMING SOON

  About the Author

  The Other Fish

  in the Sea

  Book 2 in the Grab Your Pole Series

  by

  Jenn Cooksey

  License Notes

  Please be advised, this e-book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This e-book is not to be sold, shared, reproduced, altered, reviewed, or quoted in any way whatsoever without written permission from the author. If you wish to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you wish to share it with. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  If you have acquired this e-book from anyone except an authorized sales source or the author, you and the person who gave it to you are committing a crime and are in danger of prosecution to the fullest extent of the law. Moreover, you will incur an exquisitely heinous ass-kicking from the author and her scary-ass bitches who take after Liam Neeson’s character in the movie Taken. They have a very particular set of skills; skills they have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make them a nightmare for people like you. If you delete this file now, that'll be the end of it. They will not look for you, they will not pursue you. But if you don't, they will look for you, they will find you, and when they do, you’re fucked.

  Delete it now or suffer the consequences; least of which is likely to include being arrested and subsequently prison raped by a burly redneck with halitosis who goes by the name of Nancy.

  You’ve been warned.

  First Printing 2013

  This is a work of fiction (aside from the License Notes—that shit is real). Names, characters, organizations, locations, and events that are portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously solely for the express purpose of telling an entertaining story and are not to be taken otherwise. Additionally, due to language and some adult content, this book may not be appropriate for readers under the age of sixteen. Furthermore, it is a parental obligation and responsibility to know and approve what their minor child is reading. Thus stated, parents of minors will not hold the author responsible for their child being exposed to language or any subject matter herein that parents may deem inappropriate during their child’s reading journey as it pertains to this book.

  The Other Fish in the Sea. Copyright © 2013 by Jenn Cooksey All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever, including Internet usage, without written permission from the author/publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

  For K-E-L-L-Y, my BBF & VoR.

  Why? Because she’s…

  42

  Bacon

  Buffy & All Things Joss

  Drive Time

  Evangelical Jesus

  Hearses With White Roofs & El Caminos

  Hold, please.

  FNL

  *Giggle*

  Dead Body Mondays

  Formal Unicorn Fridays

  J.J.

  Chucks

  Well that’s unfortunate.

  Cats

  What’s this?

  Vegas

  I don’t know what this hand is doing, but, it’s ready.

  Come To The Dark Side

  @Towanda RT: @Shaniqua: “Fuckin’ A! The bitch still ain’t home!”

  ‘Nough said. (Clearly.)

  Acknowledgments

  Someone who was only trying to help and be supportive suggested I keep this part simple. Pffft. Anyone who knows me personally will tell you that I honestly don’t know how to make anything simple or easy, especially for myself, which is part of why this section is so important to me. So, I’ll start by saying that as always with genius, there are teams of people hard at work behind the scenes without whom greatness nor success can be achieved to its full potential. In a book, this is where an author has the opportunity to thank those folks publicly. And man, lemme tell ya, I have been so very blessed to have a slew of people supporting me, backing me, and working their tails off to help “author me” become a great success. And when I say slew, I mean you might wanna go potty and grab a snack before you start reading this section, because if I’m gonna do it, you can be damned sure I’m gonna fuckin’ do it right. So, let’s begin…

  First and foremost I need to acknowledge and thank my uber-supportive husband, Dave—Sexual Chocolate, Dangle Down, or The Harbinger, as he’s sometimes known to others. This man gets up before God almost every single day, often times puts wrinkled clothes on because I can’t seem to remember to take laundry out of the dryer and put it away, and he goes to work without complaint, even if he’s not feeling well, all because he loves his family immensely. And that’s not even mentioning what he does at home. He is the epitome of someone who’s love language is acts of service and even though we’ve been together 17+ years now, his repertoire in demonstrating his love for us still astounds me to this very day.

  Next up are my three children…

  First we have Alison, aka; The Cheerleader, a girl who is so beautiful inside and out that sometimes I can’t believe God felt me qualified to be her mother. We also happen to be best friends, even though she’s my kid and she’s only sixteen. Anyone who has a problem with that can bite the both of us. Oh and a quick personal note; Alison, my love, if you keep unintentionally living out what I’ve already written, I think maybe we should seriously consider talking Hollywood into rebooting The Twilight Zone, either that or looking into getting some therapy for the two of us because we’re gonna need it.

  Second is Faith, or, Faith-dizzle, my scary smart firecracker and my (shhhh *whispers*—>) inspiration for Jillian. I really shouldn’t say any more about that because I know what’s good for me and I need to keep her on my side, but I will say that although she just turned thirteen this past April 11th and has an enormously compassionate heart, this chick is probably the most competitive person I know and takes the
utmost pride in her smarticles. So, if you ever find yourself in a position where you have to go up against her for any reason, watch out. That’s all I’m sayin’…

  And last but certainly not least is Erin, otherwise known as Buddy and/or Little One, depending on who’s referring to her. What can I say? She’s my baby and will forever put a smile on my face with her exuberant innocence and ability to throw all the rules of fashion out the window, and not only totally get away with it, but make you wonder why there’s a rule about not wearing stripes, polka-dots, flowers and plaid together in the first place. She’s also the only one I know who can make Doc Marten boots worn with striped turquoise and magenta tights and a tattered and torn lacy petty-coat look completely normal. I’m not even kidding.

  Oh and um, I can’t forget Gracie. Again. Mommy’s sorry, you frightening little nut-job, and there’s a can of tuna and some fresh cinnamon in the pantry just for you.

  I also need to thank a large chunk of my family and friends, of course, because without their love, support, belief in me, and the occasional shenanigan that results in story ideas for me to develop into books, I wouldn’t have come this far as a story teller. So Mom, Bapa, Nana (I know you can hear me), Auntie M, Derek, Bip, Pop, Mike, Kellie, Megan, Karen, Dylan and Dalton, Darryl, Carrie, River and Spencer, Melanie, Monica, Jeff, Mike E. and the White, Roy, Kemmerer, Brown, Yoder, and Bylbie families en masse, I love and appreciate you all more than any of you can possibly ever know.

  Another important group of people who deserve mention here are the folks who beta-read The Other Fish in the Sea for me. Quite a few of these ladies beta-read TOFitS way early on and some of them read it once I sort of knew wtf I was doing, but regardless, Kelly Mazzonne, Bonnie White, Alison Cooksey, Karen Dobey, Kellie Cooksey, Jessica Johnson, Ashley Dungan, Autumn Hull, Gitte Doherty, Tara Sivec, Samantha Stroh Bailey, Amanda Garibay, Jessica Synarski, Beth Pasley, and Andrea Thompson, thank you all from the bottom of my heart for taking time out of your hectic and crazy-busy lives to read and give me your honest feedback, whether that feedback was positive or negative and regardless of whether it was live, via phone, text and/or email, or if it came from across land as well as oceanic boundaries. Truly, I value each and every one of your opinions and it’s my heartfelt belief that you’ve made me better in more ways than one.

  A special shout out and thanks goes to J. Cooper for giving me express permission to use his likeness and personal photos for bookish things such as character profile pictures within Internet sites including but not limited to Facebook and Twitter. I don’t know if my readers’ salacious thoughts and virtual saliva will ever actually reach you, but you might wanna prepare to be swooned over, dude.

  And finally, I come to the GYP Bitches, an elite and exclusive club that started small and has seen its membership grow exponentially with the addition of some of the most selfless, giving, and incredibly insane chicks I’m blessed to know and who have proven time and again that, in one way or another, they have my back and that of the GYP series as well. The group was founded when I first published Shark Bait back in June of 2012 when just a small handful of my closest friends and I decided to throw an impromptu book launch party. There was cake with a rubber ducky and shark, tears over the fact that I actually published the book and people were actually buying it, but most notably, there were the name tags one of my friends thought to make and bring. The evening ended with all the original members having their name tag laminated which would then serve as their membership card. Now, over the past several months, I’ve tweaked, amended, and added to the original GYP Bitch names and I’ve inducted new members as well, some of whom aren’t even aware that they’re official Bitches yet, but, that is about to remedied. So, keeping in mind these two words: Fear & Respect, please allow me to officially introduce the current GYP Bitches, not in order of importance, as they all mean more to me than my own breath, so this will be in order of indoctrination.

  Me

  The Bitch Who Writes The Books

  (TBWWTB)*

  I might be narcissistic to a certain degree, but I’m sure as shit not gonna thank myself here for any reason; I’m just including my Bitch name for reference purposes only.

  Stefani Spencer

  The Bitch Who Doesn’t Swear And Came Up With The GYP Bitches In The First Place

  (TBWDSACUWTGYPBITFP)*

  You’re an inspiration in many ways and you help to keep me grounded—not an easy task by any means, yet you seem to do it with ease and always with the grace Jesus gives us fallen folks. Plus, you gave me Bacon paraphernalia and “Wake the Fuck Up” coffee for my birthday one year, and even though the latter has an admittedly kickass name, it was even more epic because it came from you. Not only that, but out of everyone, you somehow manage to say the exact thing that’ll make the waterworks behind my eyes turn on faster than when I watch one of those Mother’s Day Pampers commercials. Seriously, dude, you need to quit making my eyes leak…I frighten animals and small children when I cry.

  Kelly Mazzonne

  The Bitch Who First Encouraged The Bitch Who Writes The Books To Write Them And Is Her Voice Of Reason

  (TBWFETBWWTBTWTAIHVOR)*

  Even though you received this book’s dedication, it’s not enough. I just simply and honestly don’t have the words. Without you, I probably would’ve fallen off the ledge more times than should be possible in terms of writing as well as in my personal life, and I certainly wouldn’t be sitting here getting all weepy thinking about how much you mean to me and trying to express my gratitude for the enormity of what you’re ultimately responsible for…me giving birth to this series of stories. GYP fans around the world owe you huge, and, so do I. So, if you’re ever in need, I’ve got a shovel.

  Kellie Cooksey

  The Bitch Who Designs Swag And Watches Out For The Original Bitches

  (TBWDAWOFTOB)*

  You have never once let me down and without you, I would’ve drown, never having been able to publish my first novel, and for that and so much more, you’re my hero. Also, I am so very proud of you for doing what you’ve been doing for yourself personally, and I admire your strength and determination, two things I believe I lack but hope to achieve by watching and learning from you. Oh and thanks for giving a boy name to your girl German Shepherd for a while there. Just priceless…

  Alison Cooksey

  The Bitch Who Creeps Out Other Bitches By Inadvertently And Unknowingly Living Out Parts Of The Books

  (TBWCOOBBIAULOPOTB)*

  Your friendship and trust is something to aspire to have and something to covet once it’s achieved, and I thank you for sharing yourself with me and for allowing our bond, freaky and disconcerting as it can be at times, to continue to remain concrete and intact even though I nag you to clean the wasteland that is your room. (<—Seriously. Before I die would be nice, okay?)

  Tanya Jones

  The Bitch Who Knew The Bitch Who Writes The Books Before Any Other Bitch

  (TBWKTBWWTBBAOB)**

  For over thirty years, God has blessed me beyond measure by giving me you, and without ever having you in my life, some of these characters wouldn’t know the value or true meaning of friendship like they do…nor would I. (Btw, I think I can get “her” on board for birthing one and adopting at least one more if he really requires a giant to make the deal. What’s your status report in the negotiations?)

  Karen Dobey

  The Bitch Who Is Like A Sister To The Bitch Who Writes The Books And Is The Best Auntie That Gracie Could Ever Ask For

  (TBWILASTTBWWTBAITBATGCEAF)**

  My heart spends time with you each and every day, and one day, I’ll be rich and she’ll die, and I’ll get that damned house so that my heart doesn’t have such a long commute.

  Stacy Roy

  The Bitch Who Loves Baseball Like None Other And Gave Life To A Miracle

  (TBWLBLNOAGLTAM)**

  You are the definition of a Momma Bear and despite the countless trials, tragedies, and just plai
n scary AF curve balls that life has thrown at you, you always manage to rise above it all. Not only that, but you do it with a smile on your face, which is quite simply amazing to me because I know that many times, you’re crying on the inside. Your life is a continual daily reminder for me of the fact that miracles do happen, but sometimes, you just have to know where to look in order to see them and for the opportunity to experience them.

  Gitte Doherty

  The Bitch Who Bought Shark Bait First And Serenaded The Bitch Who Writes The Books With Bacon

  (TBWBSBFASTNWWTBWB)**

  From almost half-way across the world, you were the first to part with your hard-earned money to buy a book written by someone you had never heard of before within the first hour of said book being published. And, with a little input from Journey, you literally serenaded me with Bacon. I mean how could I not make you a GYP Bitch?

  Jessica Johnson

  The Bitch Who Drove Over Four Hours Just To Meet The Bitch Who Writes The Books

  (TBWDOFHJTMTBWWTB)

  You, my sweet girl, have touched my life in so very many ways. Most notably, driving all that way in a blinged-out Coach car just to have lunch with me, and then by rallying your friends for my first blog hop and subsequently introducing me to one person in particular. But also, you shared your life with me—a complete stranger—and allowed me to rejoice with you in some of life’s most beautiful happenings, and that is a gift without price. Keep growing that baby and you had better send me some pictures of the precious life the two of you made together once it’s done baking.

  Liz Gunderson